Chapter Eight

When I got home the next morning, everyone was already at work so it was just my less-than-impressed mother and her sister.

“Ntandokazi Mnguni.” My mother says as I walk in through the front door, hands on her hips.

“Ntandokazi Ngubane, Mama.” I say, outstretching my arms for the little person who is attempting to run towards me. She gets there eventually and I pick her up. Aunt Violet laughs. What’s funny, though? That is my surname.

“Where have you been?” Mom asks, now heading towards the kitchen.

“Oh…” I hesitate. “Uh…”

“Don’t you remember?” Aunt Violet asks, sarcastically. I fake a laugh.

“Of course, I remember. I was at Katie’s. We had a few drinks, lost track of time. So, I slept over.” I say, keeping my eyes on Kayise – the only person who isn’t judging me right now.

“You slept over at someone else’s res?” Mom asks from the kitchen.

“Uhm… I bribed the guards. I’m gonna go shower.” I say as I place Kayise on Aunt Violet’s lap and practically run upstairs. I can’t help but think about Thuto as I soak in the tub. Thuto is a grabber… and I have lots for him to grab. I love it. It’s as though he can communicate with my body telepathically and he knows exactly what it wants and how it wants it. And the things he can do with his mouth… oh, bless my soul. I only have Sbu to compare him to, but even he is no match. Thuto is a god!

Once I had eaten, I planted Kayise on the living room carpet with a bunch of my old teddy bears and then propped myself next to her, looking at houses on my phone. At around 2pm, the door swings open. It’s Mamkhulu.

“Oh, you’re home early.” Mom says. I don’t know if Mamkhulu now lives here primarily or if its because she wants to see Kayise. Who is living at her house? I should’ve just taken Thuto there last night. No, Ntando, that’s how you get disowned.

“Well, Violet said you two needed to run some errands but you couldn’t take the baby with you.” Mamkhulu says.

“Hau, Ma, don’t you trust me to look after my own baby? You could’ve gone a long time ago.” I say, feeling rather hurt by this blatant disregard.

“The issue is I spoke to Kgomotso before you arrived this morning. We weren’t sure when you’d be home and how hung over you’d be.” Aunt Violet says and I roll my eyes. I wasn’t that late.

“It’s fine, anyway. I’m here.” Mamkhulu says as she joins me in the living room and puts Kayise on her lap. She takes a chocolate bar out of her handbag and the little princess starts yapping in gratitude. Even giving Mamkhulu a hug. I didn’t know she could do that without being told… I’ve never received any voluntary hugs. My mom and aunt are out of the house in about ten minutes and Mamkhulu is busy baby-talking with the baby.

“Oh, by the way Mamkhulu, I wanted to talk to you.” I say casually, still scrolling through my phone.

“Oh, what about?” she asks in a dramatic tone, not even making eye contact. Okay, weird.

“I want to purchase one of your apartments. I mean, an apartment on one of your estates.” I say.

“They’re not apartments, they’re townhouses.” She says very matter-of-factly.

“Ooh, you sound like those people when they say it’s not a village, it’s a kingdom.” I say and we laugh. It really is ridiculous, though.

“But why do you want a townhouse?” she asks.

“So that I have a place of my own for when I’m in Jo’burg.”

“Don’t you like staying here?” she seems suspicious or maybe I’m just paranoid because I have a lot to hide.

“Of course, I do… but it’s only viable for me and Kayise. If Sbu came along, we’d have to have our own place. We can’t expect him to check into a hotel every time he comes this side.” I say as convincingly as I can. She puts the baby down, causing her to grumble inaudibly, and looks at me for a while. Her face is neutral, calm, like she wants me to figure out what she’s thinking. But I can’t. Nobody can read Mamkhulu – she’s got a poker face and she doesn’t even know it. I try to maintain eye contact to avoid looking guilty. Come on, all of this just because I want to buy a house? It’s not like I asked her to give me one for free.

“Ntando.” She says eventually.

“Mamkhulu.” I reply, mimicking her tone.

“Is it Sbu that you’re worried about… or is it Thuto?” she says and my stomach immediately churns. If I were light-skinned, I’d be pale right now. I think I might have turned grey, even. Okay, how the hell does she know? And how the hell am I going to justify this? I gulp, my mouth is suddenly very dry and my voice is failing me.

“You thought I wouldn’t find out?” she asks. “You thought that you could go check into my hotel and I wouldn’t find out? What’s going on? Between you and Sbu, I mean.”

“Nothing is going on, Mamkhulu.” I say softly.

“Okay, Ntando, you are not about to bullshit the only person who can help you right now. What is going on?” her patience is wearing thin, I can hear it in her tone. I pull myself up and sit on the couch next to her, twiddling my thumbs. Where do I even begin?

“I’m angry at Sbu… the night of Kayise’s birthday party, he told me he wanted to marry someone else… because he needs a royal wife. So, I needed a distraction from my hurt and anger.” I will not say anything about the hitting and the choking. And I will continue to hope that Nkosana doesn’t crack, either.

“Does Thuto know that you used him?”

“But I didn’t…” did I? I mean, he knows that I’m married. It can’t possibly be classified as ‘using him’ if he knows he can’t be with me long term.

“Let me tell you how I came to have two husbands. When your father told me that he wanted a second wife because I couldn’t give him any children, I was broken. I was insecure and hurt and angry… I could’ve died of alcohol poisoning, really.” she says, her eyes start sparkling with the formation of tears. Mamkhulu has never told us this story before and I can tell it still has an impact on her.

“Anyway,” she continues. “As fate would have it, your mother came into the picture and in less than two months she was already pregnant with you. I hated her for it… no offense, you know I love you. So, when I bumped into Trevor, I knew that I wanted revenge. I allowed my insecurities to take over and cloud my judgement, I allowed one thing to lead to another… I even invited myself over to his place at times. But my actions were also motivated by the fact that I thought I couldn’t fall pregnant anyway so it didn’t matter if I had an affair. But I fell pregnant with Nkosana and I couldn’t keep my affair a secret anymore. It almost tore your father and I apart…” she drifts off and wipes away the tears that are now running down her cheeks. She takes a few deep breaths and takes hold of my hand.

“Anyway, I’m telling you this because our situations are almost similar. I couldn’t fall pregnant, you’re not royal… the only difference is you have more options than I did.” She sniffles. “You do not have to stay in a loveless marriage. Yes, you and Sbu have a daughter together but you have no reason to be tied down. You do not have to tolerate things you do not like. You can come back home, Ntando, finish your degree. Get back on the stage and live your dream. We will not judge you if you decide to leave him. Just don’t sacrifice yourself, protect your peace. Okay? You may not be royalty but never allow that boy to diminish your self-worth.” She gets up and heads upstairs, wiping away the tears. She made me cry. She’s not wrong. Sbu has done nothing but put me down, make me feel like I’m not good enough. But I cannot possibly leave him now, can I? Then his mistress would win and I can’t let her win. I need to protect my territory. She returns a few minutes later and throws a bundle of keys at me. I give her an inquisitive look.

“Those are the keys to Trevor’s old house in Waterfall. It’s fully-furnished but it’s vacant. You might have to clean up a bit, it’s been empty for a while.” She says. Wait, wait, wait… is my stepmother giving me permission to cheat on my husband? I feel a smile forming on my face but I don’t want to make it too obvious.

“I’ll take Kayise with me today. Make sure you use protection. And if your parents find out about this, you are on your own.” She says and I let the smile take full shape.

“Thank you, Mamkhulu.” I say.

“Hey, a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do. Just think about what I said.” She says before turning on the TV. I text Thuto immediately. My life really is a movie.

Having a whole house to ourselves really was great. We’ve been in the living room, the kitchen, the bathroom… and Thuto took my breath away every single time.

“Do you think I’m using you?” I ask as I lay with my head on his chest.

“Are you?” he asks, his body suddenly tense. I don’t respond, I don’t know what to say. Mamkhulu’s words had quite an impact on me and I care too much about Thuto, I don’t want to hurt him. Not intentionally.

“I love you, Ntando.” He says and my body goes cold. “And I meant it when I said I’d prove to you that you married the wrong guy. I’m the one for you, Ntandokazi, and I don’t care how long it takes you to realise that.”

“I don’t wanna hurt you. You mean a lot to me.”

“What did he do?” he asks. I hesitate.

“He hit me.” I say slowly and he immediately sits upright, pulling me up so he could look me in the eye.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t have the guts to ask you out before he could. If I had, you wouldn’t have gone through that. Are you gonna leave him?” his face is so pure. I gulp.

“I don’t know…” I say, fighting back the tears. He wipes them away when they do escape my eyes. “I’m sorry, Thuto.”

“Sssh…” he says, gently placing his index finger on my quivering lips. His lips soon replace that finger when it wanders elsewhere. This time it was gentle and slow and rhythmic, like he was trying to soothe my pain, comfort me. Yet it wasn’t any less passionate and electrifying than the other times.

*****

Thuto kissed me passionately and lovingly before he left for class this morning. I went past Mamkhulu’s house in Bedfordview to pick Kayise up before heading to Sandhurst where I knew I’d be asked 20 questions again. I was in so much shock that I almost dropped the baby when I walked into the house.

“Sbu… what are you doing here?” I ask. He walks up to me with a huge smile on his face and kisses me. Then he takes Kayise from me and kisses her.

“Where were you, baby?” he asks and I panic.

“Bedfordview.” I say quickly. “Why are you here?”

“Ah, Ntando, your husband missed you. Stop asking so many questions.” My mom says, defending her son-in-law. Sibusiso and I head upstairs to my room.

“You’re wearing short skirts again. Dressed up to visit your stepmother?” he says. I head to the closet and search for sweat pants. I change into them and sit on the bed.

“Are you still hurt?” he asks in the most condescending tone, as if I have no reason to be hurt. I ignore him. “Ooh, Kayise, your mommy isn’t speaking to me now. She’s forgetting her place again.”

I’m overtaken by a sudden fear when he says that. Come on, he won’t hit me in my own home. I have nothing to fear.

“You need to come home.” He says, rocking the same baby he was badmouthing me to, to sleep. I don’t say anything, I’ve lost my voice. I am paralysed with fear. He puts Kayise down on the bed and covers her with a throw blanket. Then he stands right in front of me, looking down on me. I’m saying all sorts of prayers now that he doesn’t lay a hand on me. And when he does, I flinch, although it’s only a gentle caress.

“There’s no need to be afraid of me.” he says, leaning down to kiss my forehead. Then he kisses me on the lips, but I don’t respond. Instead, I turn my head the other way and his kiss lands on my cheek.

“I’m trying to apologise.” He whispers into my ear before proceeding to kiss my neck. My eyes are burning with tears. He stops what he’s doing and he looks at me.

“I’m sorry, baby. It won’t happen again, I love you. You’re my Queen.” He says, wiping my tears away.

“You promise?” I ask. There I go again, bargaining with the devil.

“I promise. Come home with me, please.” He says, he seems so genuine. I kiss him and pull him in for a hug. He holds me tight. I’ll admit, I don’t have a plan here. I’ll just have to see how it goes.